I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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