that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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