Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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