Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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