He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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