you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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