Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
