If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
