You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
