VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
