I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
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Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
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She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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