coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
do herpes really smell.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
