he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
