are you wasted or are you getting laid?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.