he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
