there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw