So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away