i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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