if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You pole danced in your parka.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
