A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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