considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
is that a dick in a sweater?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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