u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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