On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
