She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
