just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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