So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
