I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
