dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
