Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Randomize
