and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Semen is not good for contacts.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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