Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
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I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The air taste purple.
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