Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Randomize
