nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
