so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
