he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize