Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
