have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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