he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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