I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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