I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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