What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
it's like iHOP with fire
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Congratulations! We have a period
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
