just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
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It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
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I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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