Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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