Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
