Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I believe in your delicious
Terrible idea I love it
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
