I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
