i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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