Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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