It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
