he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
