Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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