I met the friendliest cop last night
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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