you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
