He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
