the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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