now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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