with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
