Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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