Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
