The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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