You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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