I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
