im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
