I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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