mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
