I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
