Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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