Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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