How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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