Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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