There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
