I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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