I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
50% drunk capacity currently
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
