I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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