i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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