I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
