cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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