having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
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I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
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She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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