hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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