At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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