I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
