I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
