My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
